Tag Archives: hurt

Let Hurt Do A New Work In You

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You may have heard the saying “Hurting people hurt people” and all too often it turns out to be true. There is an astronomical amount of hurt people in this world. People have endured trauma that would make most people shake their heads in disbelief, they have experienced hurts of all severities, and been victims of all types of abuse. You may not experience it firsthand or see it for yourself, but you witness it through the news and practically all forms of social media. A play-by-play of all the atrocities in the world are recounted on a moment-to-moment basis thanks to all the platforms in which people have to share them. It’s no wonder our society is breaking off into tiny little islands! People have become islands. Detached. Defensive. Self-involved. Cold. What you don’t experience you make up for by proxy.

Hurt for people can be what constant friction is to calluses…. it can create tougher and tougher barriers. If it had been you… if you had been the abused, neglected, taken advantage of… would it not be hard for you to believe in the beauty of humanity when all you’ve seen is ugliness? Of course it would! “Hurting people hurt people” can be true but does it necessarily have to be? Sometimes I believe clichés are created by people who need them to have something to make not taking personal responsibility sound deep… and 9 times out of 10 they succeed in convincing others to buy into it. This is what gives words the power to become a movement.

I’ve been hurt. Presently, in the past, and tomorrow I may get hurt… who knows! This is life. Everday we walk out the door and decide to face people we take the risk of getting hurt by someone. If you chose to allow your treatment of others to depend on the way you are treated, there would be the potential to treat people like crap EVERYDAY. You would never lack in reasons to be shitty to be people. That’s the truth! Just because you are hurt doesn’t mean you HAVE to hurt people, it doesn’t mean you have the RIGHT to hurt people, and it doesn’t mean you CAN’T HELP that you hurt people. You have another choice:

Let hurt do a new work in you.

Heartache hurts, but it also has a way of making you soft if you allow it to. Hurt helps you to identify with the hurt of others… and the more we identify with others the less likely we’ll be so quick to judge them.

Let hurt create in you a softer person. Let the hurt you’ve endured soften the way you see perfect strangers… your Dad… your co-worker… your Sister. Let hurt soften your words when you don’t understand. Let hurt soften the way you touch. Let hurt soften the way you walk into someone’s life. Choose to seek healing instead of hardening.

If someone can make “Hurting people hurt people” a truth to many, then it is not impossible for me to create a new more hopeful truth.

“Healing people heal people.”

That’s my truth.

May it become yours as well.

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Respect the Choice

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Like so many others in this world, I am currently playing an active role in the dating world. I know I know, that was a roundabout way of saying “I’m single looking to mingle!” I guess I’m just trying to class-up a sometimes messy topic!

Dating is hard. REAL HARD. Can I get an “AMEN”?! Between the endless selection of dating apps, chat rooms, websites, and groups, it sure makes it hard for people to expect a commitment when there are so many other options just a click or swipe away. It can be overwhelming having so many options, and it can be just as overwhelming BEING one of the many options. You want to know what has been my downfall in dating? The thing that tripped me up for a long time? What sent my head and heart spinning after every dead end date? It was the fact that though they may have chosen to go out with me, that doesn’t mean they chose ME. So here I would be, so excited about a guy who I met on a dating app and asked me to dinner. I would think “Out of all the women on ____ he chose me!” Then we’d meet, have a great time by all dating standards, but then the only thing that would progress after the date is the slow burn of contact between the two of us. In my mind it was simple: He chose me when he showed up, so now he’s rejecting me by disappearing. Oh how my heart saw love in black and white! I had some growing to do.

An ex-boyfriend of mine used to say to me “Sometimes love just isn’t enough” and hearing that would break my heart! I couldn’t fathom a world in which love wasn’t enough to beat all odds. Here’s the thing though, love… or “like” will never be strong enough to override personal choice… and thank God for that! It’s our ability to chose our own paths and who we want to be, and who we want to be WITH that make each person on this earth their own little mosaic! Personal choice is what adds value to the act of truly choosing YOU. It’s their right to choose, even if their choice leads them away from you. You would want that freedom for yourself, wouldn’t you? You wouldn’t want someone else’s sense of entitlement to your heart overriding your right to chose, would you? They either choose you or they give you the opportunity to find a better suited choice. So respect the choice.

Here’s a little homework: Listen to “Doing It Wrong” by Drake. Regardless of if you like hip-hop or not, the lyrics of this song blew my mind. Call me crazy, but I think he’s on to something.

Yours Truly, Andrea