When You’re In Love With Someone That Doesn’t Exist

During my morning commute to work I was listening to some music and found myself doing what I often do…. Daydream. I let the sound of sexy male vocals and a smooth heart-thumping beat to carry into my ideal love life. Where my guy is tall and solid built, with a genuine smile that sends those cute little wrinkles to the outer corners of his eyes. He is stylish without being superficial and he always picks out the perfect thing for me to try on when we’re out shopping. He laughs freely… so freely that every worry and insecurity I have gets swept away in it. He always meets my moodiness with patience and mercy. He’s wild, but not destructive. He’s kind, but not a pushover. He’s the perfect amount of jealous that makes me not feel taken for granted, without feeling like he’s trying to own me. He’s chivalrous, but can pick up on when I don’t want or need his help… when I have things handled. My friends love him… and my girlfriends are maybe just slightly in love with him… because he’s the kind of man they didn’t think actually existed. He loves God, but is not religious or judgmental. When he’s going through tough times he draws near to me instead of isolating himself… because he desires to find refuge in me as much as I find it in him. We are equals. We are partners. We are best friends. THAT IS until I have to slam on my breaks because I wasn’t paying attention to the school bus that put its “Stop” sign out. Talk about a buzzkill. It was the best relationship I may never have.

I may not be an expert about many things, but I am without a doubt a daydream connoisseur. It could be about love, travel, death, my future presidential candidacy… anything. I credit it to being an only child which afforded me lots of experience in the art of entertaining oneself. My imaginary loves have changed and evolved over the years. They have been shaped by the music I listen to, the books I read, the men I’ve met over the years, movies I’ve seen, and dreams I’ve dreamt. I’d have to say that my current one is probably the closest to my hearts desire.

I would never say that having an active romantic imagination is a bad thing. It can actually be very beautiful. In times where my heart had been broken, I’ve gone to my imagination to find the fuel I needed to rekindle the fire of hope that had been dowsed by hurt. Being able to let myself even imagine love in the midst of great heartache proved to me that my faith in love had not yet been completely broken. Keeping the faith is half the battle. There is however a trap that you can set for yourself when you invest too deeply in the idea of someone made up primarily of desires or influences. It’s a trap that I believe is setting Generation-Y up for a mighty big failure.

A large percentage of this up and coming generation is being raised in a society ridden with divorce, infidelity, and a general mentality that to not settle means you always need to be looking for the next best thing. This is creating a life in which contentment is a lost art. The dating world has so far evolved into an experience made up of brief encounters. It’s full of quasi-relationships that last the night to fill an immediate need, or to get you through until the real thing comes around. You have porn, the Kardashians, Christian Grey, every good looking entertainer singing or speaking the right words with the right look, and every romance novel in which every woman reaches orgasm EVERY TIME. I mean COME ONEVERY TIME? These things… these people playing a role… these are the influences that create the idea of what our ideal love looks like. I also am convinced that this is why monogamy and the days of marriage are all but dying out.

Our active imagination coupled with pop culture and drive-thru relationships are creating an insatiable appetite that has begun to outweigh faithfulness and fidelity. The idea of fidelity is being replaced with an ongoing curiosity that makes it impossible to ever find contentment in one relationship. If you are always looking for “different” then you will always find it… and there isn’t necessarily anything wrong with that except for that it puts you in a very interesting predicament. No matter how fun or exciting it may be, no matter how free you may feel, or how leading such a life feeds your need to rebel or be different, no matter how much we love our promiscuous life and our repertoire of stories that we pull out in a room full of people, at some point in our lives we will have to eventually acknowledge that this whole “catch and release” game of love has become an exhausting venture that will leave us with many stories and little to show for them.

Eventually feeding your curiosity, playing the field, never finding contentment because you’re always searching for something different, or even chasing after your daydreams will lose its luster. One day we all will wake up in the quietness of the morning or the evening, and we’ll know. We’ll know what we’ve always deep down known… that we want to settle down with someone… that sweaty hot lovemaking sessions are no longer as important as finding someone who can love you at your worst. Being in a relationship that is full of adventure and excitement is a wonderful thing, but don’t forget that adventure and fun is nothing without trust. You can find adventure and fun fairly quickly… but trust… trust is built over time and consistency.

In all your imagining.

In all your searching.

In all your excitement.

In all you do.

Remember that one day we all will find that we want to share our moments with a real live person… not the idea of someone. You may be wrapped up in the idea of someone inside your mind… or maybe you’re caught up in the idea of someone you are already with who in reality really isn’t right for you. Whichever it may be, muster up the bravery to tell yourself the truth when it’s time for you to shift your focus… And maybe… Just maybe… Get your head out the clouds.

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