6 Reasons Why We Should Facepalm The “Sexy” Costume Industry

It’s about that time of year again! Halloween is upon us! It’s the time of year where pumpkin carving is in full swing, bottles of Witches Brew are flying off the shelves, people are stocking up on candy to hand out to trick-or-treaters, and grown women are purchasing adult Sexy Baby costumes.
Wait.
What?
SEXY BABY?!
What the…??!!
Welp, believe it. Apparently dressing like provocative infants are for when being a Sexy Pizza just isn’t enough [enter facepalm].

1. Sexy Santa
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So what you’re telling me is that you want to dress up like a half-naked provocative version of Santa? What would you tell your child to do if they witnessed someone dressed like that sneaking into your home, at night through a chimney, bearing gifts and treats ONLY FOR KIDS? Would you tell little Timmy to offer them some milk and cookies? Oh HAAAAAYLLLL NO! You were tell them to yell “Stranger danger!” and to go find a REAL adult. Who’s clothed.

2. Sexy Waitress

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Now this costume most definitely did not have every demographic in mind! Maybe being a waitress dressed like this would work in some of these fancy schmancy spots where there are clothe napkins and the wait staff wear name tags. However, I’d like to see you try to go to work looking like that in the GHETTO… “One order of fried chicken with a side of grease burned vajayjay coming right up!”
No. Thanks.

3. Sexy Matrix Chic (or any type of fighter)
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Most anyone who existed in 1999 and beyond has watched at least one of the Matrix movies… which means you’ve seen the fight scenes. They do some crazy thangs… most of which are in slow motion! Push up bras in scenarios like that are just unrealistic. I mean, some of us have a hard enough time keeping our boobs contained in a sports bra on an elliptical machine… so…

4. Sexy Truck Driver
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Short coochie-cutter tight shorts and sitting while driving a truck for hours straight everyday= eventual lady parts probs. For real. Hope you have your gyno on speed dial, girlfriend!

5. Sexy Cat
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Cats walk all over everything after they’ve been inside the place where they poop and pee… then they lick themselves on the places where they poop and pee from… then they lick your face. Still want to be a sexy cat? I would say try pulling a “Sexy cat” while on a date and see if they stick around… but the truth is that some people may be into that sort of thing!

6. Sexy Pizza Delivery Girl
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So you are being sent dressed like THAT to make “deliveries” to strangers homes, who have called in requesting that you come over, and your boss tells you that “The tip is all yours”? Let me clue you in on something: You’re not a pizza delivery girl, you is a hooker! So refuse the tip, but do take the cash.

Though I know that these “Sexy” costumes aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, I still hold out hope that next year someone will debut the “Sexy stay-at-home mom” costume. Now that’s a look that women can truly relate too! What are your thoughts on the “Sexy” costume industry?


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